Finals – Post Coming on Wed.

Hey everyone sorry about this but I’m pushing the new post topic to Wednesday. I always say to make sure you follow your own plans for your self care. This week is my finals week with papers so I have to be up to my nose in books but I will be free on Wednesday to update for you guys. Hope everyone has a good week!!

Drawing the line: Stop Stalking on college campuses

Hey everyone,

So today I wanted to talk about an issue that I know is commonly overlooked on college campuses. STALKING. While most of you feel that stalking is out of a lifetime movie and does not occur on college campuses, today I’ll be discussing the real side of stalking which is terrifying and unfortunate.

Stalking is a type of abuse that many men and women joke about especially with the creation of Facebook. I know many individuals that say they “stalk” their exes and their new flings or relationships on Facebook, tracking down old girlfriends/boyfriends and start tearing them apart to make themselves feel better. While I am not claiming that this act is stalking I will say that we as a culture should really look at what we call stalking and how we view our technology use. The “creeping” we all do on Facebook with each other is now second nature because social media gives us the idea to share our personal lives while providing the means for others to watch and not be seen. The problem with this is that while most of us using these social networking sites only use this kind of approach sparingly and without intending to do harm, there are people who think opposite.

I would love to think the world is full of only sunshine and rainbows but there is an unfortunate downside to our culture as it is still a rape culture. In our society we have made it seem acceptable to deem a partner as property. The partner who is more prevalent in the case of stalking, relationship abuse, and sexual assault is the woman as she is often demeaned and seen as the submissive in our society. In this kind of domination there are certain individuals who then act on this premise that they own an individual, despite the fact that no human being is owned, and begin to stalk individuals. Being a community where people are constantly in and out of relationships and the internet being as intrusive as it is with peoples’ lives, the presence of stalking is not one that should be overlooked.

The upsetting fact is that “One in 6 women (16.2%) and 1 in 19 men (5.2%) in the United States have experienced stalking victimization at some point during their lifetime in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.” which the New Hampshire Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence reported from the  The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS), 2010. 

I was personally shocked by the number of people reported in this study who would experience stalking as I bet many of you are which is why we should be spreading the word not discrediting the act as something that will never happen. Stalking is non-discriminating meaning that it can happen regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnic or economic background. Essentially meaning that we are all at risk for stalking as it can be by an acquaintance, someone you have been intimate with or someone you are dating as statistics state that 77 % of female victims and 67% of male victims claim they knew their stalker. The NHCADSV also reported that out of these stalking cases 87% of stalkers are male and 78% of victims are female which follows the idea of the power dynamic I was discussing previously. There are cases of female stalkers and male victims which I will not discredit as they are just as disheartening and upsetting. However, I focus on the male stalker and female victims because statistics show a strong concentration of male stalkers and female victims which can be accredited to our rape culture environment.

It is important to know that individuals stalk as a way to gain control of an individual, to monitor them and try to establish a connection with them that they either cannot have or never will have. So as a community, I believe we should all be more attuned to our safety on campus and really look at the people around us. I’m not saying that everyone on campus is a stalker but after hearing the statistics above and realizing how many people will be affected I think it’s important for people to stop responding with denial when it comes to this behavior. Stalking can, has, and will happen on college campuses and in the world in general not just in movies and it is a horrific experience that no one should have to go through.

For those of you who are unsure about the acts related to stalking the New Hampshire Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence provides the definition of the acts of conduct on their website stating that stalking consists of the following:

• Threatening safety. Following, approaching, or confronting the targeted person.
• Appearing with no legitimate purpose at or around a place where a person can be found, including a residence, workplace, or school.
• Causing damage to property
• Placing an object on the person’s property, either directly or through a third person
• Causing an injury to a family pet
• Acts of communication that are harassing to the individual e.g. letters, packages, electronic transmissions, etc. Engaging in acts which would constitute stalking after having been advised by a law enforcement officer that the person’s acts were in violation of the stalking statute.

If an individual is performing any of these acts against you it is stalking. If you are being stalked you are not at fault and you should not accept the behavior and ignore it but reach out and seek help. Stalking is dangerous and can escalate depending on the situation so I think we should all be knowledgeable of these facts. As much as we as a community say it’ll never happen to us, it will not reduce the chances of stalking cases. Anyone can be the target of a stalker, and those who are being stalked need to know that it is acceptable to reach out for help.

There are safety plans on both the SHARPP website and the NHCADSV website which I will post below. Also SHARPP advocates are trained to help students and faculty through the process of gaining protective orders and handling emergency situations regarding stalking making them an important resource for this issue. Also January is National Stalking Awareness Month so stay tuned for more information in a month or so!

So remember to put yourself first and realize how important your safety is and know that there are some individuals who mean more than a joke and are dangerous and do not forget that there are people who are eager to help.

http://www.nhcadsv.org/whatis_stalking.cfm

New Hampshire Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence

http://unh.edu/sharpp/stalking

SHARPP

 

All of the statistics used in this blog were from the NHCADSV, link posted above. Images were gathered from goggle images.

Plan for Safety not for a Maybe

Hello Everyone,
Sorry about the delay in posts but referring back to what I said about the importance of self-care I had a lot on my plate last week and the blog slipped onto the back burner. But now I am here so I can give you all a little information on safety planning.

 

While it is the holidays and Thanksgiving is so close we can all tastes the turkey I want us all to remember that for some people family get-togethers and holidays are not the happiest time. Not all people have a healthy relationship with their significant other or their family members. For those of you who may feel that you or your friend has a family member or partner that is a danger to your/their safety it is important to learn about safety planning. The biggest point surrounding them being that safety plans are to be used when the individual feels they are ready to or need to.

 

When in a bad situation, specifically an abusive one, it is hard for an individual to feel like they are in control. Abusive situations are power exchanges, but ones that are not consensual as it is one person asserting power and inflicting harm against another. One of the hardest parts of this situation is for someone to reach out for help or even feel they can be helped. Safety planning allows individuals in this situation to either by themselves or with a friend go through a check list of sorts to create their own plan for what they could do if a situation became a true threat.
I know most of you would not accept waiting but again an individual in this situation if they are unable to be reached by the law without pressing charges themselves needs another way to gain empowerment and control of their lives. A sad fact is most individuals in abusive relationships are kept from leaving whether through emotional or financial distress which would affect them. Safety planning helps them think about their situation and provide a way for someone to see how they can plan a safe place to stay and the use of other resources. Safety planning also gets the individual to realize their abuse and fully come to terms with how harmful as it is by semi-evaluating it throughout the safety plan.
Below I will post some of the safety plan guides you may use as well as the link to the SHARPP Safety planning web page that has more pertinent information.

Safety Planning Guidelines:

• If I feel unsafe I can…
• If I need a safe place I can go I can…
• Once my abuser has left I can do the following to help keep myself safe…
• If I am injured as a result of my abuser I can…
• For more long term help I can…

http://unh.edu/sharpp/safety-planning

 

The University also provides many resources to help those in abusive situations on campus including: Health Services, Housing, The Counseling Center, SHARPP, UNH Police, Durham Police, OMSA, Residential Life, Office of Conduct and Mediation, Office of Affirmative Action and Equity, Office of Multicultural Affairs and Wentworth Douglass Hospital.
The resource numbers are located on the safety planning page and for those of you worried about looking at the page SHARPP has an emergency internet exit that will change the page to Google immediately.

 

So the reason for this post this week is that I wanted to remind us all what we are going home to and to have us realize that while we are thankful to be going back some individuals may be walking into or are still in a bad situation with a loved one. This Thanksgiving before the craze of Black Friday shopping and the Christmas decorating I’d like for everyone to really cherish what they have whether it be family, a significant other, a group of friends etc. I also ask for you to keep your hearts and eyes open for those who look like they are struggling and to give them kindness. This world is full of all types of people and more often than not they need someone to ask them how they are and offer to help. If you have someone that would benefit from this information then try and work through the web page with them or simply give it to them as an option. Remember the key to safety planning is allowing the individual to take control of one aspect of their life, their safety, which is the most important for them. So be patient, be calm, be helpful, and give thanks whether you are being helped or you are helping someone else.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!

My apologies

Hi everyone, Sorry this week has been crazy I promise the new post will be up on Friday! Happy Almost Thanksgiving!

Rock The Vote!

Hey Everyone,

So as we all know tomorrow is NATIONAL ELECTION DAY! Now most people I hear from have mixed emotions on the day ranging from “OMG I can’t wait!” to “I can’t wait till it’s finally over”

What I’m going to write about today isn’t going to tell you who to vote for because that is not going to help anyone. Every person has their opinion to who they think should be in charge of our country and I’m not going to dispute that. However, I am going to tell you to vote regardless because IT IS IMPORTANT!!

Yesterday I walked down the Hoco stairs and heard a girl say,

“Well it’s not like my vote matters so whatever!”

Whatever?!? Doesn’t Matter?!?

If everyone in our generation thought this and didn’t vote then Yes she’d right, it wouldn’t matter because we’d never be heard. This election is one that is going to heavily impact our generation: our job opportunities, our rights, our future!
This election has caused a lot of controversy over what issues people deem important social or economic. My personal opinion is that while our economy is important and the recession we experienced is very real, social issues are what will drive us either forward or backward. And yes, this is a personal opinion because I know for my current job and for my career future social issues are going to be a deal breaker. Others are free to think otherwise. However, today I’m writing this post so we all can think about our futures because the next president is one that will impact them greatly.

I’m not suggesting for us all to forget the deficit and ignore the hardships others have endured because of the economy. I only suggest that when you vote you consider other opinions as well.

What you want to do when you are out of college?

How you want the country, the world to look?

Look to the future not the numbers being thrown at you from all sides because both sides are reciting them with inaccuracies. Think about personal freedoms that you believe in. Take the time to research which candidate embodies your beliefs of how you feel women, men, the poor, the rich, LBGTQ+ should be treated. These are the people who are in our country, these are the people who will be voting alongside you to try and create a better country.

This election shouldn’t be about the numbers you heard on the radio because as I said previously both sides are reporting ones that are not exactly true. It takes a lot of research to truly figure out where each candidate is coming from in terms of their spending. I know some of you won’t agree on this but I place the value of human life over any dollar amount. I realize that is because of my studies and my background. For others who better understand the economy and business issues I can understand the drive to focus on these amounts and don’t chastise them for doing so. I just want us all to remember that beneath the numbers are people. People who struggle, who thrive, who suffer and who excel. When you go to vote tomorrow remember that as well, we are a country that was founded on the idea of independence and the institution of personal freedoms, don’t forget that those are just as important as money.

So please go out and vote, not because of the commercials, debates, signs and chalkings. Go out and vote because you need to have your voice be heard. Don’t sit around and think that this doesn’t matter because the next president will be the one who is deciding not just your future but the country’s.

GO VOTE!

images obtained from google image search

Love me, Love me, Say That You Love Me

Hey everyone!

So today I want us to all take a minute to send good thoughts to those who were affected by Hurricane Sandy. After this storm I have to say I feel blessed for my family and friends being unharmed and for how lucky I was to have not had any serious damage occur where I was.
Now today my post is going to focus on the idea of self-worth. I know last week I discussed self-care but after this past week and really evaluating some things in my own life I feel everyone needs to focus on the idea of self-worth. In my life, and I can assume many others, I have always wondered what I’ve thought of myself but hardly have said it out loud. Different ages communicated different feelings about how I saw myself and wanted others to see me.
In any type of relationship with another person whether it’s a friend or a significant other you have to make sure you enjoy the person you are first and foremost. I am not stating that you must be selfish in these relationships but that you must be able to enjoy yourself so that you can truly commit to bringing joy to another person. When you are unhappy with yourself it hinders your relationships with other people and more specifically when you are romantically involved with another person. If you do not like yourself those feelings are often projected onto your partner in unhealthy ways which can lead to relationship abuse. Having low self-worth means you do just what the words suggest, lower your mood and your feelings and accomplishments. While I understand everyone has their “I don’t want to get out of bed” moods and the days where they say “truck the world” [well maybe not truck but this is a clean blog]. I’m not saying that everyone has to live a Stepford Family cookie cutter lifestyle of all smiles and Golly Gees. What I will say is that you have to learn to take the bad with the good and better yourself from your life experiences.
I know this revelation was one that helped improve my own outlook on my life. Now I know many of you don’t believe in psychics and the like but I will tell you a little about myself and trust me it is not based on a psychic premonition. At the Women’s Expo last spring a psychic was present and I thought why not sign up and see what she thinks my life is like. The first thing the woman asked me as I told her to tell me how my friends and family are doing in my life was, “Kenna do you like yourself.” I laughed nervously and responded a hesitant “Yes I do.” Shocked because no one had ever asked me that question I waited as she looked at me and said “I’m sorry but I don’t believe you.” At that moment I truly took the time to think about myself and my life and re-evaluate. I’m not saying this psychic read my mind but she posed a question that many people rarely hear.

“Do you like yourself?”

This is something that every person should ask themselves when they reevaluate their life when they enter into a new friendship, a new relationship. It is the most important question that defines your behavior in every aspect of your life. If you do not know your own self-worth, how can you expect anyone else to? So these are the questions I’m leaving you with today.

Do you like yourself? Do you know your own self-worth?

Happy Halloween!!

Hurricane Sandy

Well Sandy has thrown a wrench in my posting plans. For now I don’t have enough time and resources to bring you all a real post. So I’ll simply say stay safe and be well I will see you all for the new post on Wednesday

Sorry I have a date with myself. Raincheck?

In the aftermath of midterms and the reality of what has happened on campus I feel that this week we should talk about self care. I know that I have had a hectic past couple of weeks and this upcoming one is not looking any easier. How do I handle it all, school, work and a social life but still have time to write on here cheerfully every Monday morning? The answer is simple; I am a pro at self care.

For those of you who don’t know the term self care, you are unfortunately one of the many who are probably not practicing it. How I like to define it is pretty literal.

Self care: practices and/or activities you do for yourself to care for your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.

Essentially self care practices can be any type of activity that de-stresses you after a hard day or week you had. I’ll point out now that partying on the weekend does not count as self care because you are using a substance to handle your emotions. While I know it is common for people to “drink their feelings” or think on that Thursday or Friday “I need a drink” or “I can’t wait to black out.” The appeal is understandable as most people use alcohol as an outlet to deal with or conceal their problems. The problem with this however is that alcohol being a depressant does not help these stress and emotional levels it only brings you lower or in worst cases gets you arrested, gives you a hangover or puts you in the hospital with alcohol poisoning because of excessive drinking. So, I suggest instead of claiming alcohol as your savior at the end of the week that you should think about something you really enjoy doing. It could be watching junk TV, playing/watching sports, going for a run, crafting, painting, or getting your favorite coffee/cup of hot chocolate, curling up and watching Hocus Pocus to get in the Halloween spirit (which for those of you who love that movie, aka EVERYONE, it’s on this Tuesday night…just saying).

The best part about self care is that it truly has no rules, you do what makes you happy with yourself focusing on a healthy habit you enjoy that will relieve you and really take care of your problems even just for a little while. The minimal time I suggest you take is 15 minutes because in all honesty while we are all busy we have 15 minutes to spare to curl up with a book, make some tea, paint your nails, go on a quick walk, call home, etc. I’ll be honest in admitting I love my self care time and many of my friends know this about me. Monday nights you can most likely guarantee that I will have spent a minimum of 2 total hours watching junky TV shows on TLC or Bravo (yes I know can’t help it) while I do some writing or reading or sleeping. The thing about it is that when I’m done I feel rested, even if I don’t nap, because I feel great about myself and I know that no matter how stressed I feel that I will handle it and it will all work out in the end. Yes I know this sounds presumptuous but trust me self care has literally saved my life. I won’t say I am a saint and health guru because I truly am not however, most of my friends know that when it comes time for a test or paper while I will complain about doing it I am hardly ever truly stressed about the outcome. What self care does for me in those situations is let me know that this paper or exam isn’t the end of the world and that at the end of the day it is more important to know I feel happy and satisfied with my life than worry about a paper or a Midterm I won’t remember in 5 years.

This week is a perfect time to focus on just 15 minutes of self care a day. Think about your Halloween costume if you haven’t already, take that time and try on funky clothes in your room, or search the internet for the most original costume idea on campus, watch your favorite Halloween movie. I can tell you I will basically be Disney themed all weekend and I can’t wait to finish my costume for my favorite princess (not telling). So that’s what I’ll be doing with my 15 minutes every day this week if not more. And if all this doesn’t help you my professor last week gave my class some words of wisdom last week to try and ease our anxiety about the upcoming paper to be due telling my class “Guys don’t worry C’s get Degrees right?” … Yeah it didn’t calm us either half of the class hyperventilated over getting a C but it did make us laugh, so remember to do that. Take a deep breath it’s almost Halloween after this week we can all laugh and have some fun because isn’t that what life is truly about? I think so. See you next week!

images from google images search. definition of self care based from SHARPP advocate manual.

Look Before You Leap

So the post I have for today is going to be pretty short. This is mostly because what I have to say is very direct. Today isn’t another post about relationships but one about the UNH student community’s awareness as a whole. While I know we all are winding down from the euphoria of homecoming weekend there is a brutal reality check we all need to take. This past week we have lost one of our students Lizzi Marriott. I want us all to take a moment now and think about the fact that this was someone in our community taken from us all. While I was not close with Lizzi I feel that the shock of her death should make us all wonder how safe are we being and how safe our community is. I will say that amongst all the festivities this weekend there were some incidents that no one wants to hear about. Our campus while lively this weekend was out of control. I walked the street on Saturday and saw four ambulances carrying students away while others rallied on. I will not condemn anyone for participating in the homecoming activities but I will say that we need to focus on how safe we are being while we do participate. Do you truly know who is following you at night? Do you trust the person who has been giving you free drinks? Are you being safe?

Below I have three pictures of UNH one was from this morning the other two from a party on campus. These pictures show us the polar opposites our community becomes between only a couple days. What I want us all to think about this week is the fact that this campus environment changes on Thursday night until Sunday morning. And while we all would like to believe we are just as safe walking down a street any time of day because we’re a small homey New England town, it is not the same environment when it hits the weekend. Take some steps in your own safety planning and when you go out think about your surroundings because we can’t live under the belief that “It won’t happen to me.”

It’s Gettin Hot In Here So Take Off…I Mean Can I Take It Off Please?

Hi everyone,

Today I’m going to talk about the importance of communication and consent. So my last post already mentioned this but for those of you just reading now October is Relationship Abuse Awareness Month. So for this post I’m going to continue the theme with the importance of communication and consent.

What is consent? This is a term that may be new to many first year students or to individuals who are not yet aware of SHARPP’s consent campaign.

Consent is

A mutual agreement, based on a shared desire for specific sexual activities;

An ongoing verbal interaction, taken one step at a time, to an expressed and honest yes;

Mutual awareness of possible consequences of activities;

Each partner remains open to and respects the other partner’s expression of agreement or disagreement to engage in the activity.

This means the act of requesting and receiving permission before performing or engaging in a sexual act. Now to many this seems obvious because most of us believe we would never force ourselves on anyone. However, this simple act of getting consent is one of the hardest things for others to truly grasp especially in the sexually charged environment of college campuses. Yes we are all here for school or we at least have fooled our parents and teachers and in some cases ourselves to believe so. The issue is that this environment is different than many others you’ll encounter in your life. College campuses like UNH are campus towns where the majority of the population are college students, UNH has 13,00 students (grad and undergrad) this means that essentially we are all part of a closed community of people our age. This being the case I’d compare our perception of this environment to that of a fish in water. Most of us don’t look and analyze what’s around us because we all are swimming in the same pond and assume because of this that we think the same.

Now you may be asking how does communication and consent come into this analogy. Well I ask you to imagine the last encounter you had with someone of your preferred gender or orientation. When you were last with them did you ask to hug them or just do it because you assumed it was what you both wanted because you wanted to. Now this is an extremely generalized and casual situation so know now that I am not telling you all hugging without permission is a form of sexual assault or that I’m asking you all to ask to hug people for the rest of your lives. This example is purely for a less graphic vision for some individuals around consent. The reason I use this example is because there are some people who will always ask for some kinds of contact and others that assume if they want it both individuals do.

However, I am discussing consent situations which are a lot more serious than a hug and become impaired by a substance that is actively present in our environment, alcohol.

So when someone is thinking about being intimate with another person I will assume that the individual wants them to be involved as well. Now what is the best way to assure that you may ask…okay I won’t leave you waiting it is asking for consent.

This is just as simple as a game of mad gab for some “hey [insert name] would you like to [insert verb] with me?” But for others asking becomes lost in the heat of the moment but I am here to say that while we all don’t want to ‘ruin the mood’ asking for consent is anything but a mood ruiner. You can use dirty talk or sweet talk it doesn’t matter but the whole idea is when you ask it’s even hotter because it shows you care about the other person’s pleasure and comfort. No one wants to be with someone who powers through without checking in with them. Human beings and intimate partners need active listening and communication to truly make a connection. Also if we ask for consent it only protects everyone’s best interest.

I understand that to some it may seem awkward and you may think “what if they get mad that I don’t want to do said action or if they don’t want to do that with me” but the golden thing to remember is that you should never feel threatened or scared to voice what you want especially when you are intimate with someone. Also another point to cover is what consent is not because you should never feel forced or threatened into saying yes because that is not true consent. Below are the methods some perpetrators will use to bully their survivor.

Consent is not…

• Cooperation – This occurs when someone says “yes” because she/he is too scared or intimidated to say “no”;
• Compliance – This occurs when someone says “yes” because giving in physically/mentally is the easiest thing to do to avoid conflict;
• Power – This occurs when there is an imbalance of physical size and strength, or of status or authority, it can feel impossible to honestly express desires and limits;
• Coercion – This occurs when one gets another to say “yes” by threatening, forcing, manipulating, intimidating, pressuring, blackmailing, drugging, and getting him or her drunk.

Every person has their own limits (things that they don’t feel comfortable exploring or doing with an individual ever or if they do not know them well enough) so keep that in mind. Also know that asking is only half of the battle because the key to consent is hearing the word yes. No response is not consent and even though it seems redundant to repeat No means No, not later or just keep going. If your partner does not respond to you asking for consent to perform an intimate act he best course is to stop and look at them and repeat and state that if they do not want to it is okay. By asking and waiting for a reply you have shown your partner you are actively listening to them as we’ll as giving them full control of themselves showing them you care about their pleasure as much as your own. That is true effective intimate communication.

So far I have discussed sober consent but the biggest message I can send to you all is the idea of ‘consensual drunk intimate acts.’ According to the law, SHARPP, UNH’s community and many other sources drunk sex is not consensual sex.

Once a person is intoxicated by alcohol and/or other drugs, she/he cannot legally give consent, even if she/he appears to give consent or verbally says “yes.” If someone you are with is having difficulty walking or talking, is throwing up, passed out, or just generally unaware of what’s going on, that person cannot legally give consent.

Now while some might sit there and start trying to disprove me I’ll explain why this is stated. It is no surprise that alcohol is prominent in the college environment. And I assume as many of you know alcohol is a mind altering substance. When you are drunk you can lose inhibitions and the ability to make rational decisions, performing actions that your conscious mind wouldn’t agree to and doesn’t realize is occurring. Now imagine this state when being intimate with someone. I will make a generalization that you have spoken with someone under the influence or know someone who has. In my experience the conversation doesn’t always go so well. This is depending how much they have drank so for now assume they are over the legal limit. A drunk person in most situations stumbles, can’t form coherent sentences, can’t see straight, and forgets things if the drinking was serious enough. So after learning about consent above how do you think they would be able to give consent let alone ask for it. There are many situations involving sexual assault on college campuses within relationships and outside of them that revolve around the issue of alcohol. So this statement of drunk sex not being consensual is in place to protect the survivor of assault who should not be blamed for their alcohol content but helped because they were taken advantage of in this state.

So overall consent is the best form of communication when with a partner whom you are serious with or not. With this post I want you to remember this and realize that it never hurts to ask permission and consent can be sexy you just have to practice. Below are some of those mad gab phrases I was mentioning earlier take a stab at it right now after you read use your sexy voice, your sweet one whichever feels comfortable and realize that once that person says yes to you it feels better.

Sexy consent phrases

I’d really like to hug / kiss / …… you. Would you like to?

Do you like it when I do this?

Is it OK if I take off my shirt / top / bra / pants ?

What would do you like me to do for you?

It makes me hot when you kiss / touch / ….. me there. What makes you hot?

I really feel like makin’ love to you, ……… Do you feel like it too?

Have you ever …. ? Would you like to try it with me?

the phrases above are from consentissexy.org

But these phrases are what I like to call Kenna’s Kickin Consent Sexisms

“Do you want to try [insert super kinky fun move] if not it’s cool”

“I’m ready to [bow chica wow wow] can we?”

“I’d be interested in [insert verb in your super sexy voice] are you down?

If you’re bilingual “[whisper what you want to do in the other language you speak…then say it is English so romantic ;)]

Mine are silly but the ones from consentissexy.org above are very appropriate ways to ask for consent and you can tailor it to how you normally speak so you don’t sound like an automatic response. So what I want you all to do is remember that consent and clear concise communication with your partner can be fun and sexy but more importantly safe.

Have a good week all and Happy Homecoming!

the other quotes and information about consent were provided by the SHARPP website and the website consentissexy.org you can visit either site for more information on consent and communication.